Wendsday's Child

Home-made Christmas Present

2012-01-01T16:17:00.001-07:00

When I was a kid, one of the delights of christmas was not what you could buy, but what could you DO or make for someone. That personal touch let you know that the giver had really put heart and thought into what they gave. My darling Hubs isn't much of a do-it-yourself-er, but this last Christmas I got a gift that thrilled me, and I've got to show it off.

Not only are those tickets to my favorite comedian, but just the time and thought he put into presenting them to me as a gift - the humor and love - mean so much to me. Hubs has gotten me some pretty nice presents, but this one tops them all!

Looking forward to the show, and the date with my Hubs!

Christmas Morning!

2011-12-25T21:03:00.001-07:00

New Artwork

2011-12-19T08:59:00.000-07:00

Danny has been really into drawing lately. Of course, I make sure he has paper and pencils, or pens. Regular ink pens have been his choice. In cleaning up the front room after he left for school today, I found these. They tickled me so much I had to share them!

Home? We have stairs up to our front door....

Flying a kite! This is my favorite!

He showed me this one after he drew it. It's the seasons, they'd been talking about that in school that day. How cool is this picture? I'll let you figure out which one's which. the only one I'm sure of is the bottom right being spring. I'm thinking those lines are wind, it's very breezy here in the spring.

He's growing so much. When I find things like this, it makes my heart want to explode. When I think of the days I almost threw in the towel, it brings tears - what I would have missed!

Oh, the Things You Say You'll Never Do

2011-11-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are in high school, here's a suggestion. Make a list of the things you swear you'll never do when you get to be an adult. Write them down. Store them in a safe place. In twenty+ years, dig them out and look at them again. Check o0f all the things you have done at that point. Chances are you will have checked of 80-95% of that list.

Here's mine:

-Never live in Utah. (check - currently in West Jordan)
-Never adopt. (check - what a stupid thing to say anyway)
-Never tell my kids "because I said so, and that's good enough for you". (check - and it is good enough)
-Never tell my kids "you're just a kid, you don't know what Dad and I are talking about" (check.)
-Never drive a minivan. (whew! one I'm safe on!)
-Never let my kids get silly haircuts that they'll groan about when they see pictures later....

check.

The View From Here is Amazing

2011-11-16T15:01:00.000-07:00

I've just spent the last hour or so working my way backward through this blog. I read things that I had forgotten about, things that made me laugh, and things that made me cry.

It's been a mountain climb, through all sorts of weather. The obstacles we stumbled over and hurt our toes, are now obscured by distance. The fears and tears are covered by low lying clouds of time and persistance. And a few of the better parts of the trail stand out, spotted with sunshine along the way stretching out below. We've definitely gotten wiser along the way.

I know I'm not to the top yet, there are many more years to come raising this boy of ours, but I have to tell you that right now, from where I'm standing on this journey, the view in both directions is pretty darn amazing.

If You Could See What I Hear!

2011-11-04T20:52:00.000-06:00

I wanted so desperately to record what was going on in my living room about an hour ago! ( Wouldn't you know every camera in the house had a dead battery.)

T-Bone, one of the four musketeers, came over for a few hours while Mom and Dad's work schedules overlapped. He and Danny played for a while, but the later it got, the harder it was to keep them in that good mood. So Hubs stepped in and started a band.

Yep, you read that right. He started a band, and it took off from there! Hubs on air bass guitar, T-Bone on air guitar and vocals, and Dan the Man on the air drums. Hub would play a riff and sing - totally making it up as he went, then T-Bone would jump in and sing a few lines. And he had no trouble keeping up with the adlib as you go - he made up whole verses on the spot, just belting them out like a natural rock star.

Then came along Danny - the kid who from the beginning has been so embarrassed about possibly appearing foolish that it has been almost impossible to get him to pretend. And yet, there he was, in the middle of the floor - on the complete air drum set that Dad (imaginarily of course) set up for him, complete with cymbals! - banging away like Buddy Rich!! (google it if you need to! You'll see what I mean!) I never knew a drummer could dance and drum at the same time, by my boy sure did!

And this wasn't a few minutes worth of play, either. Those three kept it up, all over the living room - for a good forty minutes! It only got better when the boys discovered they could watch themselves in the dark TV screen! We had a good old blues/rock jam session goin' on!

That was the best, most beautiful pandemonium I've ever heard!

Danny and "The Pain and the Great One"

2011-10-21T05:53:00.000-06:00

From day one, we worried about learning disabilities, from his hard start in life, and we worried about dyslexia he might have inherited. Looks like we don't need to worry.

This was the first book Danny read that he "got"
the humor, showing me he really understood
what he was reading. Recommend highly!

Danny's reading is phenomenal! By the end of Kindergarten, he was reading at a 1st grade level. One month into first grade, I had to ask his teacher to send him home with harder books for homework. The ones they were sending home, he was through in five minutes or less - way too easy. So she did, and they're sending books home they would expect him to read at the end of first grade.

The books they're sending home now are slightly tougher, but still easy for Dan the Man! He's reading books off of our home bookshelf far harder.

He read 'The Pain and the Great One' over two nights this week. That's a third grade level book! Third! And the one he's working on right now is at least 3rd or 4th - it's making him work to read it, which is good, but it's funny and he's understanding it. These we take slower so he doesn't get frustrated, and we stick to 20 minutes at a time rather than certain numbers of pages.

Reading, to me and my husband, is not just a necessary skill, but a joy! So we are thrilled that it's turning out to be so for our son, too.

Gramma W's Backyard Pool!

2011-09-27T09:05:00.000-06:00

We stayed at Gramma's house for two weeks while she had surgery. Her house has a big backyard, and in that back yard is a pool... need I say more?

First Month of First Grade

2011-09-26T17:28:00.000-06:00

First grade! Love it!

Danny loves it, too! He's jumpin' as soon as the alarm goes off and ready to head out the door. Hardly gives me a second glance when he leaves.

He worried about starting school right up till he met his teacher for the first time. Mrs. C. is young, pretty and vibrant - and from the moment he knew that was his teacher, he was rarin' to go!

So far, in the first four weeks, Danny's gotten good marks most days - and "excellent student" note from his teacher, his first "hit another student" note home from teacher, and a couple of "off task" days. We deal with each day as it comes, and most of them are good.

Meanwhile - I'm completely by myself almost all day long! Hub goes to work at 5 am so he can pick Danny up after school, Danny and I get up at 7:30, eat breakfast and he leaves at 8 am. And there I am, all alone. For hours.

For the first few days I felt like Bob in the scene where he's walking down the country lane. All's well until he realizes he's all alone, then he runs like crazy yelling "I'm all alone! There's no one HERE!"

I think we've all gotten into the groove though. Danny and Hub get home at the same time, homework, playtime, dinner, TV, reading, bedtime. And the next day it starts again.

Life is good.

Forever and Ever, Amen!

2011-09-22T21:47:00.000-06:00

August 6th, our journey to become a forever family is finally completed! I am LDS, and we believe that families can be sealed together for eternity in the Temple. We took Danny to the Medford, Oregon temple and he was sealed to us for this life and the next - forever my son!

Always, I have had this reserved part of my heart that I have kept for myself. It was my safety, if something had gone wrong, I could stand for my whole heart to be shattered, so I guarded this one little spot like a bulldog. When the adoption was finalized in the court, the spot got much, much smaller as I gave more of my heart to the boy. But I still had this tiny part that I kept held back. After hearing so many times he didn't want me to be his mommy, I had to hold on to that one little piece that I couldn't let anyone injure.

But that Saturday, in that beautiful temple - when the dear sister who was helping me through our day there told me that Danny had skipped joyfully down the hallway to be sealed to us forever - that last little barbwire fence fell away. What God has joined, no man may put asunder. And to know that Danny himself was so exquisitely happy at what was happening that day answered every concern, every reserve I ever had. That kid holds my whole heart in those little hands!

My family came from the north, Hubby's family came from the south, and Danny's biological grandparents rode west with us. What a grand road trip that was! And what a fantastic day, to have (almost) everyone gathered for such a wonderful occasion!

Learning By Doing

2011-07-15T21:05:00.000-06:00

Today, Danny was not on his best behaviour. He was bossy, snotty, mouthy. The final straw came late in the afternoon.

Izzy came over and told his mom that his feelings were hurt because Danny was glad that Izzy had to clean his room, and Izzy thought that was mean. He started to cry, so I leaned over and tapped his shoulder and told him
"Guess what - Danny has to clean his room to, so go tell him neener neener."

So he did. We knew that Danny would be mad, so we watched what would happen. But Danny didn't just get mad, he threw a big stick at Izzy.

He promptly got grabbed by the ear (by me) and towed up the stairs to his bed. A few minutes of cool-down time later, we had a talk about it.

He has no concept of his own action, he only reacts off the actions of others. I suppose that's normal for a 7 year old boy. So I really had to belabor the point that I wasn't concerned about what Izzy had done, and it wasn't Izzy's fault he was in trouble - that I was addressing Danny's actions and only his. It was a long, confusing, difficult discussion, and not very pleasant - it's just as well I can't report it word for word, because I'm fairly sure it would be horrid reading, so we'll just skip a bit.

I finally told him that he WAS going down to apologize to Izzy for throwing a stick, and we did so. I made him knock on the door, and when Izzy answered it, I said that Danny had something to say to him.

"I'm sorry I threw a stick at you."

"And I won't do it again," Mom coached.

"And I won't do it again." He wasn't happy about it, but he said it out loud. Not a heartfelt outpouring of concern, but I'll take it.

Izzy sweetly accepted the apology and we came home.

"You know," I told him, "Izzy isn't the only one you need to apologize to."

"Who else?" he asked me.

"You need to tell Heavenly Father you're sorry, too," I said. "And ask him to help you control your temper." Then I asked Danny to say the prayer over our dinner.

I know that Heavenly Father and His angels listen to children especially, and I could feel it during Danny's prayer. He still wasn't thrilled about having to apologize to anyone, even God, but he did so simply and sweetly, and asked Heavenly Father to help him be good. It touched my heart the way only a child can do.

After the prayer he climbed up in my lap, though he's grown so much he hardly fits anymore, and sat with me for the longest time.

I assured him that no matter what, he can always ask Heavenly Father to forgive him, and if he really means it Heavenly Father will. I told him that as much as Dad and I love him, Heavenly Father loves him more. Somewhere, in those quiet words and soft moments, Danny's little heart was touched so much that he began to cry - and he was able to tell me of some things that happened before he even came to us that had worried him, things he was afraid he had done wrong. I was able to assure a tender little heart that what happened was not his fault, and he had nothing to feel bad about.

Thanks to that sweet Spirit that talks to your heart, the day ended on a very good note, instead of spoiled by temper and contention. In that quiet, simple time, we drew closer together - Danny and I, and both of us to God. Tonight is an experience I will never forget, and treasure forever.

What a choice and amazing blessing it is to be the tool God uses to teach His children!

Spelling All His Own!

2011-07-02T15:03:00.000-06:00

Danny and his buddy, Izzy, have been making bracelets and necklaces out of pipe cleaners and pony beads. It was something cheap and easy that I could get at the dollar store and turn them loose with. Turns out it was a big hit!

So this morning, he comes in with the old peanut butter jar (plastic) that I gave him to stow his supplies in.

"Hey, look at this" he says, "I wrote whats in it. It's my beads and necklace stuff."

It's his first attempt at writing and spelling by his little old lonesome! He did it of his own idea, his own volition, and without any help from anyone but his own wonderful little brain!

How cool is that???!

So Many Things

2011-07-01T09:12:00.000-06:00

Dan the Man is having bossiness issues. I always thought people were mean when they told their kids "I'm a grown up and you're just a kid!" I always thought I'd be more sensitive than that. Tried, doesn't work. I've now used that same sentence more times than I care to admit.

We've got a great neighborhood here right now. There are several families, two in particular, who are good friends and the kids are somewhat interchangeable. We pretty much run in and out of each other's houses, know way more about each other than is probably normal. The greatest part of this (other than me finally having real friends that live in the same state) is that all the kids get a taste of what it is like to have siblings (which is good, because two of the boys are onlies). They're learning all the lessons: Don't be bossy, don't hit, share, be good, don't tattle. Don't know what I'd do without their help!

Freddy's two classes away from getting his Associate's Degree. It bugged him the other night when our neighbor told us that Danny said he didn't want to get married, because he was going to need it quiet in the house when he went to college. Two more years....... two more years.... and he is done. I'm not too worried, because Danny's still in the "girls have cooties" stage. It'll change.

Our Temple day is fast approaching. For anyone reading that's not LDS, I'll explain. We believe that families can go to the temple and be "sealed" together for not just this life, but all eternity. We're planning on having Danny sealed to us forever. What a wonderful concept! That all the stuff we've been through isn't just 'till death do us part', we'll be together for the rest of forever as a family. Needless to say, I'm really excited! August 6th!

So that's all I can think of for the moment. A hundred times a day something happens that I think I ought to blog - but I can't just stop the clock and run to the computer. I'm too busy enjoying all those moments!

Precious Moments, Joyful Sounds.

2011-05-17T15:47:00.000-06:00

I wish I could record what I'm hearing right now.

Danny is in the living room, blowing up balloons, then making them squeal and laughing like crazy!

Earlier, in the car, I got to listen to him and his Dad laughing together about something silly.

It's those sorts of moments that make my heart feel like it's going to explode!

Nuts

2011-05-13T21:20:00.001-06:00

The other day, in the car while we were out and about, Danny and I somehow got on the subject of nuts.

"Do you like nuts, Mom?"

"I must, I'm surrounded by them."

"Huh?"

"Well you and Dad are the biggest nuts I know."

"*giggle!*"

"As a matter of fact, that makes Dad the Papa Nut, and you the Wee Baby Nut!"

"Mom! I'm not a baby! I'm a big boy!"

"Okay. Dad's the Papa Nut, and you're the Big Boy Nut."

"Well, that's alright then."

...not remotely concerned about being a nut, just as long as it was understood he wasn't a baby anything!

Danny's Zoo

2011-05-04T18:53:00.000-06:00

When Danny started the school year, he still didn't have the concept of drawing representations of things. He would draw just kind of scribbles, odd shapes, blobs of color. I worried it might be a learning disability, but it seems to have turned out to be one of those things that he just didn't learn in all those younger years when he was being neglected.

He began bringing pictures home from school that thrilled me. They were simple, kid drawings, of course - but they were pictures of things! And they've gotten better as the year has gone on. One more thing he just needed some extra time to get. It's such a thrill for me that he 'got it' under my watch - that maybe I helped him progress just that much more.

I thought you might like to see them!

alligator

bear

camel

dinosaur

elephant

jaguar

and my personal, absolute favorite of all! Just look at this

lion!

Easter Egg Hunt, April 24, 2011

2011-04-25T18:06:00.000-06:00

Danny, Izzy and Dawdle (Izzy's little brother)

Dawdle, Izzy, Mom and Neen

That Easter Bunny is a tricky one! Isn't that suit just adorable?

T-man and Sam, more friends from the neighborhood

And a great time was had by all!

Kindred Narnians

2011-04-02T20:34:00.000-06:00

Ever since we saw the first Narnia movie - The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, Danny has been crazy about them! We own them as soon as they are release, and he even loves to play the video game version. I've only ever known one other person as crazy about Narnia as he is:

...myself!

My parents bought me the whole set of books when I was about 10. I've spent more hours in the land of Narnia than I can even account for. Those stories, and the people in them, became dear to me - and over the hundreds of readings of the books, I came to feel a certain citizenship. In some big part of my soul, I am Lucy, and those books were written for me.

And now I get to share them with my son, and it is an experience very dear to my heart.

He knows the movies, so he recognizes part of the books, and connects other pieces that relate to the parts he is already so fond of. We read the first one together, and now it has become his wish that we read all seven books.

So every night, at bed time, I tuck him in, then lay on his bed with him and read a chapter or two. It's a cherished time together, sharing something that we both love.

It is what I've always dreamed being a mother would be like...

How Cute is Toothless!

2011-03-26T09:23:00.000-06:00

Christmas Pictures finally!

2011-01-19T21:10:00.001-07:00

Danny writing his letter to Santa...

..which he did with almost NO help from Mom!

Danny wanted to write him a note to go with the milk and cookies, and carrots for the reindeer.

We had a C-Eve get together with friends. Here are the four musketeers watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Ever see four cuter kids?

Later, at bedtime, we listened to Nana read "The Night Before Christmas" - well, her own special version of it. Enjoyed it greatly!

Christmas morning!

Dad and I were awake before the kidlet. Dad couldn't stand it until he went and woke Danny up!

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots from Mom and Dad...

A coat from Gramma W. (He wouldn't let me buy him one earlier in the winter, because he just knew Gramma would send him one for Christmas!)

Legos and a new Lego box from Aunt Laurie...

...video games from Nana...

...and a Pillow Pet from Santa Claus!

There were many more gifts, and we send thanks to everyone! but these were the only pictures that came out halfway decent (i.e. did not show Mom in her jim-jams and Tina Turner hairdo!)

Sorry it took me so long to get these posted, but enjoy 'em now you got 'em!

And I Thought I Was Having A Bad Day...

2010-12-17T13:13:00.000-07:00

One of the maintenence guys is here, replacing the 1970-something tile with new linoleum. After telling someone that he couldn't talk because he was at work, he promptly dropped his brand new, $400 iPhone right into a full bucket of mastick (that's the cement they use to adhere linoleum to the floor!)

I couldn't even blame him for the profanity, but I was glad Danny is at school.

Okay, I'm not doing so bad...

I Already Knew It, But Still...

2010-11-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

Danny was in his room singing a made up song the other day, which he does all the time. Usually his songs are nonsense words, but something caught my ear, so I stopped what I was doing to listen in.

From the other room I hear:

"I'm a crazy child.
Yes, I'm a crazy child
I'm a crazzzzzzzzyyyyyyyyy chiiiiiiillllllld!"

Well, if the shoe fits....

Toothless Grins!

2010-11-10T10:41:00.000-07:00

And here is Toothless himself:

Gillig, the Thief

2010-11-03T20:53:00.002-06:00

We have a new kitten. (Well, technically not 'new', we've had him for a few months. But I've been very reluctant to announce it to the world. This has been quite a year of trial and error with pets, but I think we've finally settled.)

His name is Gillig - the company that makes the buses Fred drives. He's a black cat with white face, white patches on his tummy, and four white socks. He's completely unflappable - nothing bothers him, not even being picked up and hauled around by every kid in the neighborhood. He doesn't bite or scratch, but he does love to rub against your face and give you kitty kisses on the nose.

Looks innocent enough, doesn't he?

But.... and there's always a but...

We found out today, he's also a thief! He loves to play with Danny's marbles. He will go into Danny's room and get one, then carry it all over the house - onto the coffee table so he can drop it off the side and chase it again, in the bathroom where it makes a lot of really great noise in the middle of the night, and over by the couch where it can 'escape' under the couch and he has to 'catch' it again. Which is all very cute (except the middle of the night bathroom thing)!

But we had no idea how big of a pickpocket the little rascal was until today when I had to reach for something that fell between the fridge and the counter in the kitchen. Marbles were everywhere!

We moved the fridge, and found scads of marbles behind and under it! As we were trying to catch them all, one rolled under the stove, so I took the pan drawer out from under and found a whole other herd of them under there!

By the time we ransacked the major appliances, we rounded up 39 marbles that Gillig had swiped and taken into the kitchen to play with!

39!!!

So now we know this little cat fits in with our family - we seem to have found his major weirdness. We can't have a pet without at least one!

Imagination is everything

2010-10-04T16:41:00.002-06:00

This afternoon while I was preparing my award winning (ok, maybe not award winning) turkey meatloaf i used the last of the quaker oats. I called Danny over and said look, a drum! I then banged it a couple of times and he took off with it banging for all it was worth. Why you ask I write that? When Danny came to us he had absolutely no imagination at all. He was very factual. We have made some great strides at him growing. On Friday we kept him from school because of his cough. When he found out that he was going to school today he was cheering and just about doing backflips. He is growing ao fast both mentally and physically. I think I will bring home a time machine tomorrow...to be continued

Hahahahahahahahaaaa!! sighhhh

2010-09-16T06:47:00.002-06:00

the tooth and nothing but the tooth

2010-09-11T17:25:00.002-06:00

I was sitting in my chair thinking about writing my final thesis for school and you know who walks, or should I say saunters in and says "hey Dad watch this!" and wiggles his very loose tooth at me. So I had him sit down and after about 15 minutes of wiggling and jiggling someone lost his first tooth today. There was a little bit of wimpering but absolutely no crying at all! He really was a trooper. Tonight he gets to see how the economy has hit the tooth fairy.

First Day Fiasco

2010-09-07T10:38:00.000-06:00

Okay, everyone who thinks that starting school on a Friday is screwy, raise your hands!

We drove to school on Friday, not realizing that Fridays are early days on our school's schedule. I thought we were early, but when we went to the office to deliver some papers, we found out we were actually a half hour late for Danny's first day! I was so embarrassed, but as soon as Danny heard class had already started, he headed for the office door.

" 'Kay, Mom - See you later, I'm going to class!"

I had to call him back and tell him to wait for me! So much for worrying about him being scared or reluctant!

So we hurried down the hall to his class, stepped in quietly and got the attention of the teacher's aide. She informed me then that we didn't need any of the school supplies I had bought and carefully arranged in his backpack. So we pulled them out and I took them with me. I waved goodbye to Danny as she took him and got him in with the rest of the class, who were listening to the teacher read "The Tortoise and the Hare".

And that was it. No pictures, no tearful hugs. I wandered out to the car and drove home.

An hour and a half later, I waited at the bus stop - my biggest worry yet. I had planned to ease him into taking the bus, but since he was labeled with a tag that had his bus number, and the teacher assured me they get the kindergartners on the right one, I was left waiting for the big yellow beast and hoping for the best.

The bus pulled up and kids started piling off. Turns out there are, like, 30 kids in this apartment complex that come home on the same bus. So I watched and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

I was starting to get really anxious when I finally saw a little hand waving like crazy from inside the bus, at the very, very back. Off bounces Danny with a big old grin on his face and runs over for a hug! He thought the bus ride was the best thing ever! I should have known - after all, Dad does drive a bus for a living - it's not unfamiliar territory when you ride with your Dad driving all the time.

And so - that was Danny's first day of school. Now he's counting minutes until he gets to go hop on the big yellow bus today.

All that worry for nothing. *Happy sigh!*

Summer's Over

2010-08-30T22:40:00.000-06:00

Today we met Danny's teacher, had his kindergarten evaluation, and I'm happy to report that Mrs. Teacher says Danny is right on track where he should be, educationally speaking!

Danny told me today that he took back all the times he said he wasn't looking forward to school,because now he's excited. Friday is the first real day, so there'll be a big long post Saturday, I'm sure. Dad's a little bummed he's going to miss it because he'll be working.

Thanks, Gramma W for the school clothes! Going shopping always adds to the excitement!

Mom, however, is a basketcase.

He hasn't been my baby for long, I know, but I'm still thinking I'm not ready for my baby to be going to school!

Pretending At It's Finest!

2010-07-02T13:49:00.001-06:00

I'm supposed to be doing dishes, but I've got to jump on and tell what's going on in the next room!

Izzy is over for an hour, and they are playing in Danny's bedroom. They got very quiet, so of course I sent to see what was going on. Danny came to tell me all about what they're playing and it went a bit like this:

Whoever turns off the bedroom light is the "dad", which means the other one has to go to sleep while the "dad" gets to stay up late and play video games.

From anyone else, this might not seem so extraordinary - but till today, I have never known Danny to role-play. I've never seen him take on a different persona in the name of play.

This is a huge step of progress!! From a kid who not so long ago couldn't grasp the concept of a bucket on your head as being a "hat" - to this level of imagination and play is remarkable! I'm so proud I could almost burst!

Ten minutes later, I went to check on them again, and just stood outside the bedroom door and listened. Just the simple play going on in that bedroom is, to me, amazing. I crept away from the door as quietly as I could, I don't want to interrupt the important happenings in the other room!

I've Been Thrown Over

2010-06-29T08:26:00.000-06:00

Fred was getting ready for work this morning when Danny got up. Nice, peaceful, happy morning - that kind I just love.

"Dad," Danny asked, "Am I going to work with you today?"

Occassionally, Fred will take Danny with him on the bus for his first trip, then I'll pick him up later. Usually, it's either because I'm sick, need alone time, or Danny is in trouble for something really bad the day before. He's never actually asked to go before.

"No," Fred answered. "Do you want to?"

"Wellllll........ sure!" And off Danny bounces to get dressed and ready to go.

It was great! He got dressed, we raided his penny bank for money for snacks, packed him a breakfast of cheese and crackers, threw the rest of last night's brownies in a Ziplock and off they went. He borrowed my iPod to play games on while Dad drives the bus, gave me a hug and bounced out the door telling me to have a good day.

You should have seen Fred's face! So many times Danny has complained about being with Dad instead of Mom. We were both surprised by Danny's choice, but that grin on my husband as they closed the door behind them was just precious!

Is This Normal???

2010-05-29T20:37:00.000-06:00

Heard while actually cooking breakfast the other day:

Danny: "Mom, I'm hunGRY!" then "I'm HUUNNNgry!!"

Mom: "What does it look like I'm doing right this minute?"

Danny: "Well, why are you being so SLOW???"

Yeah. No. Didn't go over well.

Later:

Danny: "I like getting spoiled."

Mom: "I like it when you get spoiled, I just don't like it when you act spoiled."

Danny: "Are you just being mean to me today, or what?"

Tonight:

Setting: Danny is hanging from a small branch on the willow tree out front.

Mom: "Danny, I'd like you to leave that tree alone, please."

Danny looks directly in Mom's eyes and proceeds to strip every leaf off the branch in one long pull.

O. M. Gsh. This has been going on constantly for days on end. I'm going to throttle the little rot!

Help!

Is this normal behavior for a 6 year old, or do we need to make another appointment with the therapist. If not for the short one, how about for ME?

Pray, He is there. Speak, He is listening

2010-05-24T17:00:00.000-06:00

Hello everyone, it is the other side of the relationship. Yeah, I know you dont hear much from me but I had to post today. For a while, Daniel has beveloped this routine at night after we tuck him in, to call out and announce that he is scared. So we have encouraged him to say a prayer. After his prayer, he sleeps through the night, and usually there are no nightmares. It is so neat to see this special, child of God develop his own testimony of prayer. He always reminds us to pray before meals and especially at bedtime. We have had discussions with him that prayer is an open communication with his Heavenly Father and that he will be protected by Heavenly beings, all he has to do is ask. So, with that in mind, Danny and I started wrestling today. One thing that we do is the scary body slam. Ok,. I dont actually body slam him but it still is scary to him. So since it is scary to him I have been apprehensive at wrestling with him. So today, he kept taunting me and taunting me to wrestle with him, and he would then call game off. So I told him no more game offs. He taunted one more time and then I caught him, and told him he was going to be body slammed. While I was lifting his little body in the air, he folded his arms, and offered the most heartfelt prayer " Heavenly Father, thank you for this day, please dont let my dad body slam me, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen" Well, what could I do? I had that lump in my throat, I put himdown and gave him a big hug and told him I wish I had faith like he did. It was a great spiritual experiance for me.

Thank God for His Blessings

2010-05-05T21:26:00.002-06:00

Today I am grateful for many things, but here's what's at the top of my list:

Thank God for His protection.

Thank God for the feeling that I should wear a baseball cap while we traveled.

Thank God for a good sturdy American-made Chevrolet.

Thank God for not allowing an innocent animal to suffer.

Thank God for good Christian people who listened when the Spirit prompted them to leave for home late at night instead of waiting for the next morning.

Thank God for grumpy hotel room clerks who had a room for us to rest.

Thank God for tiny miracles, like a missing sandal, a well made carseat, and stillness of mind when the rest of my body was violently shaking.

Thank God for His servants who came to our rescue, bringing priesthood blessings and transportation if we needed it.

I never understood the phrase "tender mercies"..... until now.

Here's why.

At approximately 3am in the morning of the 24th of April, doing 70 down a deserted back highway, we came across two horses standing in the middle of the road - one in each lane. With milliseconds to react, I had to judge whether to swerve off the side of the road and risk rolling our SUV, or slamming head on into a 1200 lb horse. I stood on the brakes steered as far off the road as I dared.

The horse was so tall that he came up onto the hood, into the windshield and dented the roof of our Chevy Blazer.

All I remember of the impact is the windshield shattering and turning completely opaque.

According to the Nevada State Trooper we should have all been killed, but our only injuries were a bruise on my husband's right shoulder blade, a welt on my neice's forehead, and several tiny cuts on the backs of my hands and the tops of my feet. Danny and the seat around him were completely untouched by anything.

Literally 100 miles from anywhere, no hope of cell phone reception, we prayed that Heavenly Father would lead someone to find us. Three hours later, just as the moon went down over the horizon turning the whole world black, He did - in the form of a family of Mennonites who felt impressed to start their journey that night rather than wait till the next morning. They helped Fred push the car and horse off the road, then bundled us in with their family for the hour and a half drive to the nearest town.

From there, with the care of a loving Heavenly Father and more blessings, big and small, than I could possibly list here, we drove home in a rented car.

When we got back to SLC, dear friends were waiting for us with a car for us to borrow while we needed it, kind words and lots of love. In the week and a half since then, we've bought a new car and our insurance paid off the old one. Everything has pretty well returned to normal.
Once in a while, I start to think about the horrific things that could have happened that night. But when I do, I am overwhelmed again with the sheer magnitude of knowing that Heavenly Father was watching out for us, that He kept us safe and delivered us from harm. He brought us angels in pickup trucks in the darkest hours of the night, provided the means to do what needed to be done, and gave us the strength to see it all through.

For all that, a simple whispered thank you doesn't quite seem enough. But I suppose it will have do till I can fall at His feet and thank him in person.

Good Bad and Ugly

2010-03-31T21:13:00.001-06:00

The Bad and the Ugly:

We no longer have a dog. Jethro bit Danny's best little friend Izzy, completely unprovoked. When I reached to discipline him, the stupid dog went after me, teeth bared, growling, threatening - the works.

Danny was very upset at first, but I gathered him and Isaiah on my lap and explained that neither of them had done anything wrong, but jethro had to go away because of what he had done. Our dear neighbor took Danny to her house to watch a movie while I took care of things.

The dog was gone within the next hour. I left him at the local animal control with a note explaining that he had bitten a child and threatened me, a supposedly trusted adult, and to please euthanize. I don't know what happened, and I might get in trouble for pet abandonment, but I'm willing to accept that. His sudden violence toward a child that has been at our house frequently since he was a puppy? If I owned a .22 rifle, he'd have been dead in minutes. I won't take that from any animal, let alone a pet.

So, we are dogless, and will remain so until we have a yard for a dog to run in. Dad has promised Danny that we'll get another one - a little puppy - after we move. I'm not intending to get one until then.

The cat seems a little happier today...

The Good:

We went to Las Vegas last weekend to see the live show "Walking with Dinosaurs". It was FABULOUS! would recommend it to anyone - whether or not you have kids! Our trip itself didn't go exactly as planned, but it was still fun. My only real disappointment was that we didn't get enough time to spend with the family that met us there to see the show. Ah, well, such is life when you live 900+ miles away from everybody.

The baby T-Rex stole the show!

Dino tracks

Velocoraptors scoping out the audience. That must have been freaky for the people on the front row.

The flight of the Pterodon - truly amazing considering it was on a stage!

Baby T and Mama Rex

Aunty,Uncle and Nana met us there!

So, thats the readers digest version of our week. I'm ready for the rest of it to be nice and boring. :)

The First Kite Fly of Spring!

2010-03-22T22:42:00.000-06:00

Things I Didn't Know He Didn't Know

2010-03-12T19:51:00.000-07:00

Today our friend and neighbor, Phill, taught Danny how to bounce a ball.

I didn't know he didn't know how to do that. It never dawned on me. Am I slow?

Worse than that, when we went to visit my nephew in New York last summer. In playing with his own children who are much younger, Nathan taught Danny how to play "got your nose". Who ever heard of a five year old who had never heard of "got your nose"??? I always new there had been neglect in his early years, but "got your nose"??

Sometimes I get caught by surprise by what I assume should be known. I suppose it would be easier if he'd been 2 instead of 4 1/2 when he came to us, then I wouldn't be so shocked. Then, maybe, I'd think to play more of these baby games that never were played before.

It makes me want to cry when I realize once again how much my little guy has missed in his short life. I'm doing my best to make up for it all. Do you suppose I'll ever be able to?

A new page in parenthood

2010-03-02T09:53:00.002-07:00

Wendy was letting me sleep in this morning, something she usually does since I work late hours, am I am very grateful to her for that, but today was different. I was in that not quite asleep, just waking up fogs, and I heard the door open. Climbing up in the bed with a very excited voice said DaddyI have a loose tooth! Since we have had Buddy, he has called me by my first name, and then dad, but never Daddy. I am very proud to be promoted to this title of honor!

Laziness, perhaps...

2010-02-28T00:21:00.000-07:00

I have been so neglectful of this blog that it just isn't funny.

The good news is simply that 'no news is good news'! Life goes on here daily, with it's everyday challenges and joys. There is nothing stunning to report, either fabulously good or catastrophically bad. Life is normal and that is great!

So if you don't see us on here for a while, consider it a good thing. We're plodding along like every other normal family. When something newsworthy happens, we'll be sure to let you know!

Don't blow this one

2010-02-01T09:19:00.003-07:00

I was sitting in the front room yesterday watching Wendy play video games when Buddy come bopping in. He said "Dad, I just talked with Heavenly Father, and he told me that there were dinosaurs in this world" Now we have always encouraged him to pray, and we pray on a regular basis so his prayer comment came as no shock to me but I thought how in the world do I answer that? So without missing a beat I told him that I think Heavenly Father meant that they were in movies and that they used to be in our world a long, long time ago. Where he gets these sorts of things I will never know! What else do I have to look forward to being a father?

Things NOT to Say to Your Mother

2010-01-21T15:46:00.001-07:00

Oh, my goodness! I'm typing this to keep my hands busy, or they might just throttle the kid in the next room!! (kidding, folks, calm down!)

A little while ago, Shorty informed me that he wanted a game out of the top of the closet. When I told him no, I reminded him that he has a lot of toys in his room to play with. So what does he tell me?

"Well, I'm not going to play with any of those toys!"

"Well, if you want to be bored and not play with anything, that's up to you," I started to say, but was interrupted by:

"La, la - I'm not listening!"

He's in bed now. With any luck, I'll simmer down by dinnertime. Then again, he might be there till tomorrow... or the next day.

Grinishy

2010-01-08T12:40:00.002-07:00

Last night, after Danny had gone to bed, I was standing in his doorway talking like we do every night before sleep. He said to me:

"Mom, I really love Dad. He's just so grinishy!"

I didn't quite understand what he said, so I asked him what that meant.

"Oh, you know," he told me. "He smiles all the time!"

I do tend to make up words, or add endings like "ish" to them - like feeling "snackish" or being somewhere around "two-ish". And when we're moody, we're smiley, or pouty, or frowny. But I didn't know that the meaning of -ish and -y well enough to make up his own version of a word. More than that, it came out correct, in it's weird little way.

He's beginning to know his letters, and attempting to string them together into words. Every day, two or three times, we end up in front of his great big magnetic chalkboard arranging and rearranging plastic letters. He gets frustrated when he actually has to stop and think about it and can't just rattle things off, but I know that when it finally clicks into place in his little brain, he's going to be unstoppable!

I'm off to fold laundry while we watch a movie.

Have a very grinnishy sort of day!!

Christmas Pictures

2009-12-25T23:05:00.000-07:00

We got woke up at 7:00 am this morning by a little voice next to our bed saying "Hey, Mom! Santa brought me lots and lots of PlayDoh!!" The day just got better from there. Here are a few pictures of Christmas morning at our house. Enjoy!

Ooh! Movies!

Decorating the tree earlier this month. I forgot these pictures were on the camera till I downloaded the others. I love this picture.

Jethro figured out how to get the peanuts out of the shell. Next year, we'll have to put peanuts in his stocking, too, I guess.

Danny had a great time opening all the presents.

...and popcorn to go with the movies!

Fred and Jethro sharing Jelly Beans.

And Danny sharing his peanuts with Toby, who loves them.

Can't wait to get his toy on the road, Nana!

Oh, right on! Hot pink, no less!

Just look at that face!

And that one!

Merry Christmas to all!

The Original Dutch Uncle

2009-12-23T18:04:00.000-07:00

I swear that if Short Pants was genetically, naturally, and originally my husband's son - he could not be any more of a chip off the old block!

FM is the original bargainer. There is nothing he cannot, or will not, try to haggle, barter, deal, dicker, dispute, hammer. horse-trade, make a deal, quibble, wrangle or otherwise bargain his way through, past, around or over. Arguing with my husband is like wrestling with a pig in the mud, it doesn't take long before you realize he's enjoying it!

And Shorty is taking after his old man in the worst way. And I do mean worst.

He'll turn 6 a few days after Christmas, and already he considers himself the diplomat of the century. There's not much he won't try to bargain about - what's for dinner, whether he can have a snack, how many stories get read at bedtime. Naptime is the most intense. He will talk for twenty minutes trying to get out of a half hour nap. When that doesn't work, he turns to civil disobedience - flatly refusing to get up and go to bed. (That doesn't currently work, because Mom's still big enough to pick him up and throw him over a shoulder. Not sure what I'll do when he get's taller than me.)

Any suggestions for how to deal with a five year old labor dispute attorney??

Bargaining with Santa

2009-12-11T12:18:00.000-07:00

The first presents went under our tree last night, and Shorty was thrilled this morning to find out that one of them was for him. The very first thing he said was "Can I open it?"

Of course, we told him he would have to wait till Christmas morning. And of course, he wasn't very happy about that. Being the little bargainer that he is, he's spent the next couple of hours trying to get us to let him open the present now. No luck.

Finally, a few minutes ago, he called from the other room:

"Can I open it today instead of of Christmas?" he asked. "I don't think Santa will mind!"

Sick Again

2009-12-10T09:09:00.000-07:00

We've got the flu again. Only this time, I've got it too. So Shorty and I have been laying around for the last two days, feeling like poop.

Meanwhile, Gramma M's family Christmas party is this weekend, and we won't be going. *sigh*

Here's the thing that makes me go 'hmmm' - Shorty was sick for a month, went back to school for two days, and is now severely sick again. We're thinking we need to pull him out of the preschool. He loves it, and he learns, but is it worth it if he's going to get sick and have to miss a week or month at a time? We can't afford to pay tuition for time he's not even attending.

I'm not good at making decisions for myself, I don't know how I'm going to ever feel confident in making life-altering decisions for a child.

Where Does He GET These Things?

2009-11-25T08:16:00.000-07:00

There are certain phrases that I refuse to use as a mother. Things like "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times." or "Do I make myself clear?" or "You don't know what you're talking about." I don't think you can teach children to be respectful if you are not respectful to them. My mother always treated her children respectfully, even when others thought she gave us too much leeway to speak freely. She believed that everyone, even kids, are entitled to their opinions. She did correct us when necessary, but she never made us feel belittled or stupid when doing it.

So I have no idea where Buddy got this one!

He was explaining something to me, and I knew what he meant, but he gets his words all mixed up at times. I listened to what he was saying, then gently corrected the way he said it to turn the words around to their proper order. He got all huffy and said (with ALL the inflections you might expect in a statement like this!):

"How many times do I have to tell you?"

Yeah. We're having some mouthiness issues around here lately. Can you tell?

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Z's!

2009-11-22T00:38:00.000-07:00

I peeked in to check on Buddy late tonight, and this is what I saw!

They were both zonked out, dead to the world, sawing logs.

Just how cute can they possibly be?

Looks like we better ask Santa for a twin sized bed for Christmas...

Bottles

2009-11-18T22:39:00.000-07:00

Before Buddy came to us, when he first went to stay with family after that woman ended up in jail, he was still used to having a baby bottle when he went to bed. He was a month away from being 4 years old, and that woman was still putting him to bed with a bottle of kool-aid every night.

The most obvious problem this caused was that all his baby teeth were rotted out, and had to be pulled or crowned just to keep from getting worse and causing permanent damage to his mouth.

But a more subtle problem came from this as well - Buddy still wants a bottle.

He had a very wise grandmother who traded his baby bottles for sport bottles, the kind with the pop up lids, full of water. I, personally, think that was a great idea - it got him away from the bottles with nipples, and the koolaid that generally filled them. It was a huge step in the right direction.

Until now, we haven't discouraged him having a water bottle when he goes to bed. Partly because both FM and I take glasses or bottles of water when we go to our room at night because we have to take medications at bedtime. I've actually made a habit out of buying unique new water bottles for Buddy every so often, so he doesn't get too attached to one in particular. We switch them out, trade them back and forth, and when the tops get so chewed up that you can't drink out of them without practically cutting your lips, we throw the old ones away.

But lately, I've noticed that he still clings to the nightly water bottle. It only comes up at bedtime, he doesn't rely on it during the day, but at night it almost panics him when he doesn't have it, or drinks all the water and we won't let him get up to refill it. There has been at least one night when he's woken up in the middle of the night to tell me that he needs his water bottle.

So here's my question - Short Pants will be six years old next month. Do I need to worry about his need for a "security bottle"? Would it be better to actively try to wean him from it, or should I just let it ride until he outgrows it by himself? Considering the water bottle that is currently sitting on my bedside table, will it even matter if he never does outgrow it?

Methinks Perhaps We Tease

2009-11-15T16:39:00.002-07:00

...overheard a few minutes ago:

Dad: "Push you over!" (while gently pushing Danny, who was sitting on our bed, until he fell over)

Danny: "Do that again, Dad, and I'll punch you silly!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Snow

2009-11-14T19:40:00.003-07:00

Our first good snow of the year, and we find out that Buddy's only boots are two sizes too small!

Dangit!

So payday we are off to buy snowboots, until then no playing in the snow for us.

The dog on the other hand goes absolutely nuts when he gets in it. I'm so gonna have to take the video camera out and send it to AFV! Can't wait to turn the two of them loose on some three foot drifts - THAT is gonna be super-duper funny!!

Wow, What a Slacker!

2009-11-12T14:09:00.000-07:00

It's not that things haven't been happening around here, every day is an adventure at our house.

All the leaves are falling in our courtyard, and Buddy is loving it! He just can't wait to get out and kick around in all that crunchiness.

I've just been writing every chance I get, which isn't as often as I'd like, since I have to keep an eye out for what mischief shorties might be getting into.

Now that the flu is over (and hopefully DONE) school will be back in session next week. Boy am I glad! Oh, wait - I mean - boy is Danny glad!

Learning to Tie Shoes

2009-10-31T13:20:00.000-06:00

Fair's Fair

2009-10-29T17:42:00.000-06:00

I'm in the kitchen, just around the corner from the living room. A minute ago, I heard Danny yell "ow!". Ten seconds later the dog yelped.

"What did you do to the dog?" I asked, stepping around the corner to see them both looking a little guilty.

"Well, he hurt me," Danny answered, with his patented 'I'm in trouble now' frown.

"What did you do to make him yelp?" I demanded, fully ready to be angry.

silence

"I bit him back."

silence from me as I clenched my jaw tight and tried desperately not to laugh

"Fair's fair."

What else could I say?

Keeping a Reluctant Promise

2009-10-28T09:27:00.000-06:00

Part of the agreement of that woman signing the parental relinquishment papers was that we would send pictures and or updates every so often, once or twice a year. Now, while I understand, and even appreciate, that she wants to know how the children she bore are doing as they grow up, I'm not keen on this idea.

Our adoption records are sealed, because the attorney and the courts believed she would pose a problem if she was allowed to know who we were. Apparently she is pretty good at harrassing, and has caused problems for others that have had temporary custody of these kids in the past. Personally, this has never really worried me - she's 4'9", I'm almost 6 feet tall. Can you just see where that would go in a scrap? And I'm not above asserting myself, loudly if necessary, when the situation warrants.

My biggest problem with keeping up with this promise we made is having to keep track of her. Either we mail it to the attorney, which costs us money for their time to forward it, or we send it through Gramma M. That means that they have to keep track of her, and I'm not asking them to do that. Our only other option is that we keep track of where she is ourselves, and there is no way on God's green earth I'm going to that time and trouble.

So I found a better solution. I started a blog. It's anonymous, not connected to this one in any way, and it is strictly for the purpose of making pictures and updates available to that woman. When we do our next adoption, hopefully next year, then the means to do the same for another birth mother is already intact. This way it becomes their time and trouble to keep up, not mine. They can look at them any time they want - it's just a matter of going to the local public library and using their computer to access the internet. The pictures can be saved to a thumb drive, which anyone can buy for a few dollars at WalMart, and can be printed at any of those photo printing kiosk machines that you find all over the place these days. Therefore, the ball becomes permanently in that woman's court. It's an easy matter for me to post appropriate pictures every so often, and that fulfills my promise - the rest is up to her.

If anyone would like to go see it - here's the link: http://www.forthebirthmother.blogspot.com/ .

Why Buy Expensive Toys....

2009-10-24T18:15:00.000-06:00

.....when a cardboard box will do just fine!

Poetic Justice

2009-10-17T18:09:00.001-06:00

Danny did something mean today, being a smart-alec, so I reached over and popped him on the butt with one hand.

"Mom! What did you do that for?"

"Don't fart toward me on purpose," I said back, "I'll slap your butt every time."

So he glared at me, with his patented 'you go to Hades' scowl, and walked away.

*WHAM!*

Right into the closed half of the sliding glass door! Cracked his forehead and knocked himself over.

It was a thing of beauty! The Windex magpies would be so proud!

A Halloween History Lesson

2009-10-12T19:11:00.005-06:00

I've learned something new about myself today. It's funny that I thought I remembered something, only to find out I wasn't quite accurate.

I always thought we did the whole trick-r-treat thing when I was a kid, but my mother assures me I have only been trick-r-treating once in my entire life. Which makes me feel a lot better.

Let me explain. I hate Halloween. I know, I know - the residents of Utah consider that tatamount to treason. But I have never liked this particular observance. I don't like being scared, I hate being startled, and I have no tolerance for the whole "evil" influence.

Yes, before you ask I am aware of the pagan holiday that began it all, the "real" meaning of All Hallow's Eve. And yes, I am also aware that Christmas, as we know it, began as a pagan holiday as well. That's not the point. I don't care about ancient pagans, what I hate is what Halloween is today, and I don't want to have anything to do with it.

Here's where my mom's history lesson makes me feel better. I've wondered if I would somehow deprive Buddy if we didn't do the whole dress-up-beg-for-candy routine. But if I never did it, and I turned out okay, then odds are pretty good that the lack of a yearly trip to threaten all our neighbors if they don't give him goodies probably won't do him any lasting damage.

This was further confirmed for me in talking to the Short One himself. He doesn't like creepy stuff any more than I do, and the decorations going up everywhere bother him. So I feel better about my decision to not partake of the Hallowe'en traditions that run rampant this time of year.

Tell ya what - we'll buy our own candy, and won't threaten any of our neighbors with mischeif. And in exchange, everyone can quit looking at me like I'm from Mars when I tell them we don't do Halloween. Fair?

I still reserve the right to dress up, but heck - why wait for one day of the year? Matter of fact, I think I'll go down to the dollar store and buy a dozen costumes or so - a pink tutu for me and some cowboy duds for Danny. We'll wear 'em next summer...

The Most Beautiful Moment

2009-10-04T14:52:00.003-06:00

I got woke up from a (rare) nap yesterday by the tap of a little finger on my hand. This is what I woke up to - I thought I'd share this with you.

(There is sound, so turn up your volume. And for the safety of our little family, this is the censored version)

Cousins

2009-10-03T06:00:00.000-06:00

Danny has a very deep need for extended family. He was actually disappointed to come home because it meant leaving his cousins behind in Oregon. Even though he'd only met them a few days, or a few hours, before. He desperately needs and wants those relationships.

I guess he just isn't suited to being an only child. We'll have to do something about that soon...

Here is Danny with his newly met cousins at one cousin's birthday party. Cute bunch, aren't they?

The Grand Adventure

2009-10-01T11:24:00.002-06:00

I think I've finally recovered enough to write about it. Our weekend vacation to California was nice, the drive home exhausting, but that isn't what caused the lack of blogging.

Last Monday, I found out that my nephew and his sweet wife were having a family crisis. He is an Iraqi veteran, and his wife is in the Navy. I'm being purposefully vague on the reason, but J. (the wife) ended up in the hospital, leaving N. (my nephew) torn between caring for his children and house and being with his wife who needed him by her side.Add a sudden transfer to another state, compliments of the Navy, and you can just imagine what kind of stress that young man was feeling!

They live in New York, while the rest of both of their families are on the west coast. With the situation and the distance, they were feeling rather desperate, and it quickly became apparent that there was only one person in the family that was in a position to help - me.

My sister is much older than I am, and married young, so her children are as close to my age as she is. Since they've always lived practically next door (in some cases literally next door) those three boys are like my little brothers instead of nephews. Of course I was going to help if I could.

Tuesday, Danny and I caught a plane to New York. Danny had never been on a plane before, so he was thrilled with the whole thing. I have never been further east than Wyoming, so it was something new for me, too. We stopped in Chicago, and had to catch a connecting flight in Baltimore, before we got to New York. It was a long flight, and Danny was as good as a five year old could possibly be.

We spent one day with N. and his three kids: E, W and V. Danny was so excited to meet cousins he hadn't met yet.

This is where the hard part really started. N. decided that the best course of action was to send his children to thier grandmothers so they would be taken care of by family so he could take care of his dear wife. I had only seen the oldest child, E, when she was three months old, now she was three years. We needed to get to know each other, and help them trust me - and fast.

Thursday, we - and by we I mean myself and four children under five - caught a plane. We were late getting to the airport to begin with, since we'd only purchased the tickets two hours before.

It went something like this:

-Run to the ticket counter
-Argue with the agent about why I needed a birth certificate for the youngest one
-Get boarding passes
-Run to security, where they would not let N escort me past
-Off with everyone's shoes and coats
-Send four little children through the detectors one at a time
-put everyone's shoes back on
-get everyone's carryons situated
-head for the gate
-DISCOVER MISSING BOARDING PASSES
-go back to security and search
-go to gate anyway, to find someone had found and turned in our passes
-get tags for stroller
-get to doorway to plane
-wait while stewards rearrange other passengers to get us four seats together
-situate oldest three while trying to hold 5 month old
-have upset 5 year old because he is sitting across the aisle and wants to sit with cousins
-finally take off, while holding 5 year old's hand across the aisle
-wait for seatbelt light to turn off, so I can switch places with 5 year old

IN Chicago we stayed on the plane, but I learned quickly to sit at the very back row of the plane, so kids could be closer to the bathroom. Something about take-off seems to activate childrens bladders. So we rearranged everything to relocate to the back row.

Halfway through the six hour flight between Chicago and Phoenix, V (5 months old) POO'd. She didn't just poo - she plopped a pile to rival a Texas Longhorn! Have you ever tried changing a diaper in an airplane bathroom? It's a fine art, let me tell you! She was so stinky, by the time I was done I threw everything she had been wearing away. I opened the bathroom door to ask for a plastic garbage bag, and the stewardess exclaimed:

"Whew! What are you feeding that child?!"

In Pheonix, we had to switch planes so:

-off the plane
-reconstruct stroller, which broke down into three pieces
-get all kids and carry-ons situated around said stroller
-walk as fast as three year old legs can go to completely different gate in completely different hallway
-repeat last half of first list

Happily, all three of the older kids slept the entire way from Phoenix to Portland.

I could not have done it without two of the most helpful, wonderful flight crews in the history of the world. They let the crews know that I'd be there with four kids. The stewards were absolutely wonderful! I don't think I could have done it without them! Kudos to Linda, Tim and Teisha of Southwest Airlines - you are all fabulous and you have the thanks of a grateful auntie!! And an equal thanks to all the passengers who were understanding and offered a hand!

So, finally in Oregon, we unloaded the kids, handed them off to grandmothers and spent a couple of days with my mother and sisters. Danny got to meet three more cousins, and even go to a birthday party at a park for one of them.

Sunday afternoon, we caught a flight home to SLC - both so tired we could hardly stand it. I've never been so glad to see Utah in my entire life! In five days we had traveled over 7,000 miles - twice across the width of this great country of ours. It was definitely an adventure, and a once in a lifetime experience, but I don't think I'd do it again if I could help it. Once in this lifetime is quite enough...

So there it is - the most extreme excuse for not posting on a blog ever heard! I think next time I'll stay home and settle for "the dog ate my computer"!

Oy Vey!

2009-09-28T10:11:00.003-06:00

Hang in there with me one more day and I'll tell you all about our grand Adventure.

For today, have a great time watching this video!!

Cleaning Room Blues

2009-09-19T11:26:00.002-06:00

Danny isn't very happy right now. The Mean Old Mom is making him clean his room. He, of course, thinks he's the only kid ever forced to clean his room.

He came in a few minutes ago,

"Mom! I'm done cleaning my room! Can I go play with the dog now?"

"Good job," I said. Then I started to get up.

"Oh, wait!" Danny said, pulling a funny face. "I lied!" And he headed back to his room to finish the job he just told me was done, but knew he'd get in trouble for if I actually saw.

It's so difficult to discipline effectively when you're trying not to grin at how funny they are!

Meeting Nana

2009-09-17T19:59:00.003-06:00

We took a whirlwind weekend trip to California. Nana couldn't come here to meet Danny, so she sent us the money to come there. It was a wonderful visit with the family, especially with moments like this one!

DEATH BEFORE MINIVAN!

2009-09-11T09:15:00.003-06:00

I'm sitting in the car in front of the preschool. Which is pretty good considering Buddy was okay with my leaving for a few minutes to go wash the car windows at the place across the street. I walked him to his classroom and was promptly dismissed! One small bruised ego for Mom, one giant leap for Danny-kind!

Maybe it's vanity - maybe it's hormones... but today anyone calling me a "soccer mom" is taking the chance of getting knocked into the middle of next week!

I think I'm going through an identity crisis - I've thrown out all my comfy clothes and bought new shirts (I give up trying to find jeans that fit me right). And I'm irritated with the idea that my 'image' might make anyone think of me the way I feel when I see harried moms running all over the county to cheuffer their kids to 43 different lessons. I'll admit - my thoughts are hardly complimentary. (I know, I know - I'll try to repent)

Maybe it's because I wasn't raised that way. My parents were not those sorts of people. They didn't "schedule" their children. If I wanted to go do something, my parents might take me, but just as often I found my own way to get there. I had guitar lessons after school for a while, but it was my idea, not my parents'. As a teenager living in a smallish town (or two), if one of the kids didn't have a car, we hoofed it. There were no frantic schedules, no stress due to overbooking.

I like being a laid-back sort of person. I've had the career, the business experience, carried a Franklin Planner for years. I can schmooze, I've got the firm handshake, I can play the hot-shot business woman part. Frankly, it's overrated. I don't like it for me, why would I do that to Buddy?

If I am going to live vicariously through my child - then we're going to move to the coast and teach that kid how to surf. That way, when I sit waiting for him, I can bury my feet in the sand!

First Day of School

2009-09-09T09:45:00.002-06:00

Well, I'm sitting in the lobby of the preschool that we chose for Buddy, and wondering if all parents feel this way on their child's first day of school.

Each classroom here has a one way mirror so that parents can look in on class at any time without disturbing or distracting the students. I find myself wanting to hover next to the window, but that's a bad idea, because then I want to jump in and 'rescue' my boy every time I see him hesitate or look uncomfortable. I really do know that's not the best thing to do, but my brain and my mothers-heart really have to battle over it.

They use a lot of music here, which I think is wonderful. Buddy, of course, doesn't know the songs, so he's embarrassed to try to sing. My first thought was to ask what the music CD is that they use so I can get it for home - but is that really a good idea? He's going to have to learn to try, rather than just quit, when he doesn't know something. Would taking it home so he can learn it in comfort make it better? Or just easier?

I remember, albeit vaguely, what it was like to be a kid in a classroom. I don't recall it being nearly as difficult as my mom-half seems to think it looks for Buddy. I know I'm going to have to learn when to help out and when to leave well enough alone.

I guess we'll both be getting an education here.

Let's Talk About This

2009-09-06T15:36:00.003-06:00

Things have gone much better since the puppy kicking incident, I'm happy to report.

Right now, FM and Jethro are crashed out on the couch, Buddy is in his room in bed, and I'm about two steps away from asleep in my rocking chair.

Funniest thing - apparently we are raising quite a little politician. He has a real gift for wheeling and dealing!

Today, Dad sent him in for a nap, which he is never happy about, and usually makes it known quite loudly. So after an hour or so of kicking the wall, singing to himself, getting up three or four times to go to the bathroom, etc, I brought in lunch and Dad told Buddy he could get up and eat lunch.

After he ate, Dad sent him back to bed for the nap he was supposed to have taken before lunch. At which point, Buddy switched into his used-car-salesman mode.

"But Dad," he tried, "you didn't say I had to go back to bed after lunch!" At which point Dad explained why he needed to.

This was quickly followed by:

"I have an idea," Buddy said, sticking one finger in the air, "I think we should talk about taking naps."

Luckily, I was behind him, so he didn't see me almost spit my soda out trying not to laugh!

It's hard to know how to balance giving your child a say in the matter with teaching them when their say is appropriate or welcome. Thrown into the mix the fact of the sheer delightfulness of listening to a boy be so verbose, when you remember that one year ago his conversational skill consisted of two or three sentences repeated over and over.

He'll be starting preschool next week, and I know that once he does his vocabulary is going to explode to new heights. It will be very interesting to see what new logical arguments against naps, or anything else, he comes up with a year from now!

Whoa - Way Bad

2009-08-27T22:07:00.006-06:00

I saw something today that I never thought I'd see, and I didn't know how to handle.

Jethro (the pup) went to the door and asked to go outside. I was in the kitchen, and I stepped sideways to see the door just in time to see Daniel react to the dog.

He said "No, Jethro, you don't need to go outside!" then KICKED THE DOG IN THE FACE. I kid you not. He turned to walk away from the dog, and before I could even put down the glass of soda I had just poured, he turned back the the dog (who had not moved at all) and kicked him full in the face again for absolutely no reason at all.

I hit the ROOF! In two steps, I had that boy across my knee, his pants down, and I wailed his BUTT. Then I stood him up and told him to get to his room and in his bed NOW!

I checked the dog, to make sure he wasn't injured - he wasn't that I could see, but he was sure reluctant. I couldn't blame him after what I had just seen.

I was so angry that I grabbed up my phone and called my mom (not home), my sister (no answer) and my best friend (hallelujah, she answered!) After talking to her for a few minutes until I could stop shaking with anger, I hung up and got on my knees. I didn't know where else to go!

Danny called me once after about a half hour, and I went to check on him, but when I knew it wasn't an emergency, I just told him - "I'm mad at you, and I'm too mad to talk to you." I shut his door and walked away. It was another hour before I could bring myself to go near him. I was so angry, and disgusted, that I knew I couldn't listen to the Spirit or make good decisions on how to deal with him, so for the good of everyone he stayed in his room and I stayed in the living room, pondering and praying.

Finally, my mother called. She and my sister had just walked in the door. I told her what had happened, and listened intently to her advice and wisdom. She'd been through the same sorts of things with my brother years ago, and her insights were invaluable to me. After talking to her, I knew I had to have a deep discussion with my son.

(MY son - it still sounds so good to say that!)

I went and got Fred's old missionary flip-chart and turned to the painting of Christ. Then I called Danny out to sit on my lap in the rocking chair so we could talk.

I asked him if he knew who the picture was. He knew it was Jesus. I asked him how Jesus wanted us to act, and he answered that Jesus wanted us to be good and nice. I asked Danny how he thought Jesus must feel after what he had done. He had to think about that one for a minute.

Our talk went on for over a half an hour. I mentioned Gramma M's dog that Danny loved, and asked how he would feel if one of his cousins kicked Sparky. Later in our talk, I reminded him that he has said that he wants other kids in our family to be his brothers and sisters and friends - and I think it shocked him when I asked if he would treat them the way he treated the dog.

I don't remember what all I said, but I'm sure I was guided by the Spirit.

At the end of our talk, I let Danny know that he needed to go pet Jethro, and tell the puppy that he was sorry for hurting him. Then I pointed to the picture of Christ and said:

"And then you need to go tell HIM that you're sorry, too."

After he made up with the dog, we went into his bedroom and I coached him on saying a prayer to repent for what he had done. I helped him say a prayer that told Heavenly Father and Jesus that he was sorry for acting badly and being mean, and ask Them to help him be kind and good.

I feel like it turned into a real teaching moment - or teaching hour, as the case may be. Danny behaved well, and was very conscientious of his actions for the rest of the evening. Jethro forgave him frankly, like dogs do, and they played together like old buddies.

I still have a lingering emotion about the whole thing. It's not anger anymore, but I'm irritated that something like this would have ever happened in my home. I just keep remembering that the Lord said that if we repent of our sins "I the Lord shall remember them no more."

I hope he'll help me do the same.

I Think I'll Write a Book

2009-08-20T21:23:00.002-06:00

I've always said that, one result or another, I was going to write a book about this entire experience.

What's funny is a writer friend of mine remarked to me the other day that when she first found this blog, she went back to the beginning and read all the way to the end. Her next sentence was something to the effect that there was a great outline to a book in all of this.

Now that the dust is settling, and that 20/20 hindsight is kicking in, I think maybe it's time to start working on it.

Any suggestions on a title?

Have a Chuckle, Here Take Two...

2009-08-14T07:00:00.000-06:00

Danny is a little hypochondriac. At the slightest mention of someone feeling poorly, he's got it too. This really gave me a good giggle when he came in the other day, holding his belly, and said "Mom, I have cramps!"

In an effort to control my tongue when he first joined us, I started saying "crap" as a replacement for a much yuckier word (I never claimed to be an angel). But Shorty couldn't really pronounce that at first, so the standard reaction for getting startled at our house has become; "You scared the CRACK outta me!" It's too cute, I'm not changing it back!

The other day, Jethro and he were trying to play tug of war with an old sock. Every time Jethro lost his hold, he would jump up nad grab at it. He didn't aim to well apparently, because from the other room we suddenly heard: "Jethro! Stop trying to chew my butt!" Danny then came into our room and announced: "This dog is walking a thin line today!" (gee - I wonder where he learned that one - MOM!)

I had the most wonderful experience a few days ago. Danny was pinging from one thing that he knew he shouldn't to the next. For the first time, I got to use the good ol' Mom standby: All three names in a row!! "Daniel William Elliott, do NOT torment the cat!" It was great!

We have our bad days. That fantastic piece of paper in the other room didn't cure all our challenges. But despite all the frustrations, heartache, hope, love and misery the last year has put us through - I'm glad I stuck it out. Just as often as the bad ones come the really good ones, the days filled with humor and joy, and so much love that I think my heart might just explode.

All in all, life is pretty darn good!

A Dog and his Boy

2009-08-13T10:13:00.000-06:00

We Got a Dog...

2009-08-08T11:04:00.002-06:00

His name is Jethro. I'll post a photo soon.

Having a puppy in the house has been an interesting study in psychology, especially in the area of "personal space". Personal space is the area surrounding one's own body which they feel is an extension of themselves, and therefore belongs to them alone, to be shared or not at their sole discretion.

Cat's have quite a large personal space. They may allow you into it, but anyone coming too close without express permission will be rewarded with dagger throwing glares, flattened ears, hissing, and a possible slap up-side the head, with or without claws.

Dogs do not share this need for personal space, nor do they comprehend any other living creature's need for it. A dog's personal boundary, or the outer limit of which they will allow another inhabitant, is located roughly a half inch inside their own skin.

This is why dogs chase cats. The cat is merely trying to preserve their personal space, while the dog, as far as he is concerned, is merely trying to get within conversational distance - which, in human terms, translates to "sitting on you".

Among human animals, 5 year old boys come closest to dogs in their comprehension of personal space. 30-40-something mothers run more to the definition set by cats.

This is why, on any given day at our house, you will find this Mom sitting (it doesn't matter which chair) with a boy covering her lap, a dog on or beside the boy, while trying to accomplish the day's task, whatever it may be - while the cat lays comfortably on the back of the couch, out of reach of dog and boy, and looking at Mom with an expression that says -

"Well, YOU'RE the one that brought them home!!"

HE'S OURS!!!!

2009-08-04T21:45:00.003-06:00

It's official! I'm so excited I can't hardly think straight, let alone type, so I'll try to explain

"No, there is too much, let me sum up!"

We went to court today, knowing that our attorney was going to ask for a finalization, but not expecting it to be immediately forthcoming.

Lo and behold, the judge decided that he would finalize not only ours, but Little Sisters adoption as well! Within two hours of our getting to the courthouse, I was handed the actual, real life, dyed in the wool adoption decree!!

It is official, and irrevocable! His name as of today is:

Daniel William Elliott!

(wouldn't you know, no one thought to bring a real camera, so we were all using cell phones - thus the fuzzy picture. Oh well! Too happy to care...)

Bear with me..

2009-08-02T20:45:00.002-06:00

I haven't dropped off the face of the earth, we're all alive and kicking.

My trouble is that we've had a couple of new "things" from Buddy - and they're too deep, and right now too tender, to write about.

Give me a few more days and I'll try to get them into words...

Trust

2009-07-27T16:58:00.005-06:00

When was the last time you felt this much trust?

Trust is something that we deal with every day now. I'm having to rebuild years worth of trust.

The good news is that it's working!

One year ago, I was still having a two hour fight twice a day every naptime and bedtime. I would sit sideways in the chair, hold onto Buddy with all my strength, and end up with bruise upon bruise before he cried himself to sleep.

Last night was, quite probably, the most beautiful evening we've ever had. Buddy was in his jammies when Dad told him it was bedtime. He jumped up with a smile, ran over and gave me a hug, then gave Dad one.

"Don't forget to come and tuck me in," he said to me as he bounced off down the hallway to his room.

"I won't," I promised.

"And I need my water bottle," he called.

"I'll bring it in," I answered.

Two or three minutes later, I walked into his bedroom, water bottle in hand. We had a sweet little conversation about nothing much. I closed his curtains, put in the CD he wanted to listen to, and he jumped into his bed and lay there, smiling from ear to ear, waiting for me to throw his blanket over him and tuck it in all around the edges.

"You missed a spot, Mom!" he laughed, so I went back and tucked in the bottoms of his feet as well.

"Good night, Chicken Joe!" I said from the doorway.

"Good night, Chicken Joe's Mom!" he called back. "See you in the morning!" And off to sleep he went.

I know there were times I wondered if we'd ever get past the violence and terror of bedtimes, and if I could last that long. But I did, and we have.

And life is good.

Greatest News Ever!

2009-07-18T17:39:00.004-06:00

Yesterday, as we geared up to go to the George Strait concert (yes, it was fabulous!) I got a call from FM. He and Buddy took the car in to the shop to get some work done on it, and left me home to sleep in (which was also fabulous!).

"Are you sitting down?" he asked.

"No." He didn't sound upset, so I wasn't too worried.

"Sit down right now," he told me.

I sat down to humor him, and expected a punchline.

"Okay, I'm sitting."

"I just got off the phone with the attorney's office." My heart sank. "She signed the papers this morning."

"What??"

"That woman signed the papers this morning! Mr. H just got out of court and told his assistant to call me and let me know."

- there was no punchline!

Excuse me a moment while I scream...

SHE SIGNED THE RELINQUISHMENT PAPERS!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

The court date on August 4th has just gone from an evidentiary hearing to a request for finalization on our adoption! Buddy is free and clear -

AND OURS FOREVER!!!!!

Thank you to all those who have prayed and hoped for this with us over the past year. Our prayers have been answered!

Last Nights "Bad" Dream

2009-07-09T19:27:00.003-06:00

Last night, I heard Buddy calling for Dad in the middle of the night. I jumped up and went in to ask what was wrong.

He started telling me about his bad dream that made him scared - Dad was driving another car and Buddy was driving ours and they were driving all over twisty turny roads.

"And it was fun," he said.

"If it was fun, how come you were scared?" I asked. I couldn't help smiling.

"Because I fell off!"

"Oh," I sympathised. "Well, then its a good thing it was a dream, then. Because you can go back to sleep and go back to the fun parts, huh?"

"Yeah," he grinned happily and rolled over, asleep before he even stopped moving.

I like those sorts of bad dreams!

From Our Attorney

2009-07-07T15:10:00.003-06:00

I'd fallen asleep in the rocking chair when Fred woke me up, calling from the other room.

"Check your email. NOW."

I about came out of my skin trying to get myself up and to my computer. Faster than usual, it still ran much to slow for me as it booted up.

In my inbox was an email from our attorney, detailing what went on in court this morning. While not all of it applied directly to us (Buddy's little sister is also part of this case, she's been placed with a different family) I was thrilled with what I read.

"Noone showed up from the other side. We waited an extra 15 minutes and when [that woman] didn't show the judge came into the court and went on the record--and told me he had a couple of matters to ask me about....

"He asked what I knew about [that woman]'s attorney not being there. I told him that [the attorney] called just last night (5:45) to tell me he would not likely be there--but that [that woman] probably would be. I told the judge that [the attorney] and I had discussed relinquishment and that he knew I was going to press for the fastest possible resolution to the case.

"I then asked the court to enter an order terminating parental rights for [that woman] and [little sister's father] based on the fact that their responses had both come late and had not complied with the requirements for a proper answer to a petition for adoption. He said he understood my desire to have things move forward but that he was worried about the adoptive families being put through a horrible trial later on if the biological parents claimed that they had not received proper notice or opportunity to present evidence on the matter of termination. He wanted it to be clean and clear-cut. He said, 'out of an overabundance of caution on behalf of your clients, Mr. H, I want to have an evidenciary hearing where the case can be heard and ruled on in such a way that they can't later claim that they didn't get their fair and proper chance.'

"We set the hearing for August 4th at 1:30 p.m. up in the West Jordan 3rd Dist. Court."

Wow. Well, I really like the judge! I appreciate his concern and caution.

So this is it - we are down to the wire. It's scary, but I definitely see a golden glow on the horizon!

The Corner of 4th and Worried

2009-07-06T15:41:00.007-06:00

The 4th of July was a great weekend here! We had friends over for a BBQ, then had so many leftovers we got together on Sunday afternoon as well.

We and our friends (Izzy's family) went to see the fireworks. We were all so tired by the time they were over, we barely had energy to set off any of our own.

FM is on vacation, so we get to have him around for a couple of weeks, although he is trying desperately to catch up on schoolwork, it's still wonderful to have him home all day every day.

The hard part comes now that the holiday is over and it's back to "real" life. Tomorrow is our first court date - to see exactly what we are up against. It all depends on that woman and if she even bothers to show up. At this very moment, it could very well go either way. I don't know how much longer we'll be a family, and that prospect is frightening...

I'm trying hard to trust in the Lord to do what is best for all of us. That's a hard concession for a control freak like me, who feels like if I loosen my hold on the universe for one second the entire world will crumble. But I'm trying.

Any prayers that could be spared for our little family tomorrow would be greatly appreciated!

Worth a Thousand #4

2009-07-03T10:52:00.002-06:00

Fair's fair - here's FM with his Granddad at the Zoo:

Worth a Thousand #3

2009-06-30T21:35:00.002-06:00

That's me on the trike when I was Buddy's age (or a little younger). See, I was blond once - and cute. That's my mother in the grey sweatshirt - I look just like her!

Worth a Thousand #2

2009-06-28T22:38:00.001-06:00

(Buddy and his bestest playmate, Izzy!)

Worth a Thousand #1

2009-06-26T23:08:00.003-06:00

Update From Dr. G

2009-06-20T11:35:00.002-06:00

We took Buddy to see Dr. G again. Here's the update: He has gained, but...

Dr G. did say, and I quote, that we've done "brilliantly". Buddy has gained in a lot of ways, but he's still not caught up to his age.

Buddy does this weird thing - and I'm sure it's just a kid thing. When he knows he's under scrutiny, he turns into something different. He gets this "Hell with you" attitude, doesn't want to talk, tells you he doesn't need anyone's help for anything, and he's done talking and wants to go play. I understand it, can't explain it one bit, but I do understand. It's almost like being afraid that you'll get the answer wrong, or that someone will think something is wrong with you. I wish I knew how to help it, but I'm afraid I don't have a clue. *sigh*

In his talk with Dr. G, Buddy did volunteer some information about something that woman did while he was with her, that put his safety in danger. I'm not going to divulge it here, but the Dr. did think that it would help our cause in court - because he heard it straight from Buddy, not from us. Why does everything good for our case have to stem from something bad happening? I guess that is the nature of the beast in this case, eh?

We also found out that the court date has changed. Pretty sad when you find out that sort of thing from your therapist, and not from your attorney.

So on to happier stuff.

We've found a great preschool for Buddy. It's three or four days a week, two or three hours a day. We can get there on the bus, and FM can pick us up afterward. We talked with the owner, explained our special circumstance, and she is absolutely willing to take on the challenge. She was very sweet, and Buddy took to her right away, as well as several other teachers he met there. One thing that impressed me greatly is that every single classroom has a big, one way mirror in it - so you can look in on the classroom without disturbing the class or distracting the children. Every classroom also has a pet of some sort - turtles, fish, and frogs. How cool is that?

While he's in class, there's a seat for me out in the lobby. There's also a grassy patch at the end of the building if I want to sit outside. I'll end up with a couple of hours of writing time for my end of the deal.

We start in August. It's gonna be good! Here's hoping we'll know by then whether we'll be changing his name on the school records...

The Big 4-0

2009-06-12T22:19:00.002-06:00

Well, I'm not a thirty something anymore - and it's actually okay with me. My mom and sisters were here, I got a birthday cake and went scrapbook shopping with the girls.

My surprise gift (I suppose you could call it) came via email from the attorney's office. We have a court date for termination of that woman's parental rights. I wish I could say I rejoiced, but I'm more frightened than anything. Our chances of winning in front of a judge are questionable, and I'm scared to death.

But at least it's a step forward.

Happy, Happy, Happy!

2009-06-07T23:30:00.002-06:00

That's quite enough of griping for a while!

First news: Our guardian angels have struck again, and made a rather large payment to the attorney in our behalf. God bless you all!!!

Second: We've been invaded and it's great!! - Gramma W and my two sisters, Auntie One and Auntie Two, are visiting. Buddy just doesn't know what to do with himself with all these extra hugs and cuddles and kisses and hugs and playmates! They'll be here for a whole week, so nobody worry if there's no posts from us for a while.. we'll be out having fun!

It's NO Wonder...

2009-06-04T10:53:00.004-06:00

...that John Q. Public hates lawyers.

A note tacked on the end of our latest communication:

"...for the payoff. I'd like you to make every effort to pay down the bill. I'll move the case forward as you do so."

As we do so? Which means what - nothings going to happen until we are paid up?

It would have been nice to know that two months ago - when we could have paid it in full with Fred's extra financial aid.

It would have been even nicer if, when I asked about starting to make payments, I had not been told: "Don't worry about that now, let's wait till we see what the total bill is going to add up to."

I'm so frustrated!!!! AAUGH! is right!!

We heard back part 2

2009-06-03T09:32:00.002-06:00

I emailed the attorney myself, because I had several questions. First of all, he is hoping that this case could be completed without a contest. This would require her reliquishing her rights. She would need to sign an affidavat outside of the courtroom, and this is something that the courts really frown upon.

If this does go to court, our attorney is afraid that the other woman would say that she was taken advantage of and had just given up. This would be VERY bad for us.

I really hope that our attorney knows what he is doing here. This is a big game of hurry up and wait. We have been told time and time again that this is something that cannot be rushed.

I swear, that the next child we adopt will be through an agency and not a high risk adoption. We have had him now for over a year, and have alot invested in this, not just financial but much more. We really feel that he is our child, and would be absolutely heartbroken and devasted if somehow the courts decide to give him back to the other woman. Not to mention how detrimental it would be to our our little (big boy) guy.

So in the meantime, I guess we will just wait and continue playing this waiting game BS and hope for the best.

I Heard Back

2009-06-01T22:25:00.003-06:00

Wow, did I ever get a quick response to that letter! Our attorney was very forthright and I feel much more like I know what's going on now. I don't like it any better, but at least I know.

If it had been typed on paper, it would have been three pages long, so I won't post it here. He did answer all my questions and address my concerns.

One thing that stood out to me was the fact that, in several places, he would say "I never said that..." or "I don't recall that being part of our conversation..." or some such statement. That right there confirmed to me that the false/misleading information was coming from the liason, not the attorney, and apparently, he wasn't aware of it. I won't discuss this with that other person again - she's nice as can be, but obviously not reliable.

I've also requested that all communication be sent through the email from now on, rather than phone calls. That protects us both, since it will be in writing.

So, meanwhile, the long and short of it is - we're in almost exactly the same spot we were in a year ago - and $1500 farther in debt...

Blown Gasket!

2009-05-30T07:54:00.002-06:00

Well, I've done it now! After one more piece of inconsistent news from our attorney, I let him have it!

We got an email yesterday evening (Friday, after business hours, so we couldn't call and ask questions) telling us that, although that woman's attorney hadn't responded in a "timely manner", he decided to "file something". Since the judge hadn't ruled yet, the other attorney was "going to try". In the same email, the other attorney said that woman might be willing to sign over her rights if she could see her kids once in a while. To which our attorney responded, and I quote:

"we had already offered a relationship if she would behave herself."

WHOA. STOP RIGHT THERE!

We NEVER said that. At this point, I could no longer hold my tongue - so I shot off this email back to our attorney:

Thank you for the update.

I have some real concerns.

How can he file if he missed a deadline? Was it really a "deadline" or was that word just thrown in to make it sound official?

I understood that these records were to be sealed. I thought that the court had already done that.

I do not mind making the sacrifice (and I mean exactly that) to meet with {Buddy's birth mother} ONE time, to allow her to see that her son is doing well, and in good hands, but I have no intention of allowing a continued relationship once the adoption is final. I want that clearly understood. At the very most, {Buddy's birth mother} is welcome to see him once, in a neutral location and with the presence of a court appointed social worker (preferably {the gentleman}, who did our home study), in exchange for an assurance that once she does so she will sign the papers. If visitation has to be part of the deal - we don't want it! We have gone through such hell and finally worked through to good behavior, it's too hard to even consider letting her influence back into his life. I have no desire to have her disrupt our lives.

When we started out with this case, we were led to believe that this was going to happen quickly, and more or less easily. Yet every time we have contact with your office, that changes more. We're feeling confused and frustrated - it's now been over a year, and nothing has really changed.

When we started, we were assured that your office would be willing to "work with us" on money - and every time I brought up payments with {our liason}, she put me off - telling me lets wait until we know what the total is going to be. Then this week, we find out that it can't be finalized until the bill is paid in full. Which is it? We have every intention of paying this - but it would have been nice to have known this a year ago, so that we could have been making payments or saving up. She also made it sound, from the very beginning, that terminating {Buddy's birth mother's} rights was practically a done deal - and yet we're still fighting that battle. First we were told we would never need to be in the same courtroom with her, then we were told to expect a subpoena.

Meanwhile, we have a little boy here who has now lived with us for a year, and who we have come to love very much. We've invested a lot more than money in this.

We need to renew our temporary custody, but when we brought it up with {our liason}, she brushed it off and told {my husband}"don't worry about it." So we're not even sure we have legal custody at this moment in time.

No more euphemisms - we would like to know an exact list of what needs to happen, a time frame of when it will happen - and what we can realistically expect, pleasant or not. We can handle all the possibilities, but not knowing where we really are in all this is not okay. We appreciate everything you are doing, and that you are doing it at a discounted rate. But we really need to know what is going on, and what is expected of US.

Thank you for clarifying this for us.

Pretty harsh, huh? Damn straight! I'm about two seconds away from telling them they're fired.

We'll see what kind of an answer we get next week.

Lessons in modesty at the Wal Mart

2009-05-28T21:02:00.004-06:00

The wife sent me off to get some ice cream bars the other night. So Buddy and I ventured up to Wal Mart where instead of getting ice cream bars, I bought a BBQ grill. I just couldnt stand it another summer not being able to grill.

So as we were venturing down the aisle, coming the opposite way is a rotund woman wearing a tube top and a mini skirt that left little to the imagination. Well, I guess it was way too little because before I knew it Buddy saw her, and blurted out in the loudest voice possible, I think that the loudspeaker would have been quieter, in a very honest question said :

"Dad, why is that lady almost nakie?" In that same instant I knew that my response was one that had to be a good gospel oriented one. I looked at him with this woman right behind me and said :

"Some people just dont understand that Heavenly Father wants all his children to dress modestly and appropriately" It was truely a humbling experiance.

Meet Fledge

2009-05-27T20:36:00.008-06:00

This is Fledge. We've gotten to watch him grow up in the trees in the courtyard outside our apartment. We've helped guard him as he took his first flaps (chased off a cat that was after him while he was on the ground), and we're watching as he learns to fly. It's amazing.

I'm finally getting to share the sorts of experiences my parents shared with me. Bedtime was over-ridden tonight when Fledge showed up in the tree two feet from our balcony. I called Buddy out of bed to come out on the balcony and take this rare chance to experience something so wonderful and wild.

I'm so glad my parents raised me this way. I hope I do a good job of passing it on for when Buddy has babies of his own.

"I Don't Want To!" and Other Kid-isms

2009-05-26T11:45:00.002-06:00

What do you do when a boy thinks he's outgrown naps, but OBVIOUSLY needs them? Easy - you listen to him yell from his bedroom about forty times "I don't wanna take a nap!" Yeah, that's what I'm hearing...

Lately, Buddy has been whining a lot when he doesn't get his way - so I've been offering to bring him grass to eat when he does because he sounds like a cow mooing. Makes him mad, but gets my point across. At least till it backfired.

The other day we lounged around in bed - Buddy included - because Dad didn't have to work. For some reason, that seemed good at the time, we started making farm animal sounds - much to Buddy's dismay, who thought we were being utterly silly. He went in his bedroom and slammed the door. We'd wait till he opened it, then start in again mooing, clucking, quaking, baa-ing, all the classics, and he's slam his door again.

Finally, he came out of his room and stood in our doorway, pointed his finger at us and said:

"Do I need to bring you (pointing at Mom) some corn and bring you (pointing at Dad) some grass to eat? I don't think so!" He stalks off and we hear his door slam again. I laughed till I thought I'd break a rib!

Pants on Fire! Nose as long as...

2009-05-21T21:51:00.004-06:00

From the very beginning of this case, our liason to the attorney has had a bad habit of gilding the lily, scratch that - the milkweed!

In my very first conversation with this person, I was led to believe the birth mother's rights were already in the process of being dissolved. Not true, they weren't. They didn't even get started on that part of things until we'd already had Buddy several months.

Then we were told that it was going to be quick - probably six months. It's been a year - and no end in sight.

We were assured the attorney would take payments, and given specific examples of others who were making monthly payments. Yet, when I asked what amount I needed to budget for, the liason brushed it aside, saying "You don't need to worry about that, we'll work that out later." Silly me, I believed that.

So guess what we found out today: "We don't finalize until the bill is paid in full."

You know - it would have been nice to know that 12 MONTHS AGO! We could have been making payments all this time, working toward keeping the bill low, instead of racking it up to $1,500 and counting.

I was very blunt with this person, at the very start I told the liason that we didn't have thousands of dollars sitting around in a savings account, but we could afford to pay bits at a time. And I was told in return that the attorney would "work with us."

How do I respectfully request that this person be taken off our case? If much more of this deceptive information gets fed to us on a platinum spoon, I just might fire the entire office!

I don't mind that we have to suddenly come up with over a thousand bucks, our vacation will wait till next year (dangit), and overtime is there for the asking at FM's job. I've just been offered a freelance job that has good possibilities. Good Lord willing, we'll find a way to do it.

I DO mind being lied to, misled, deceived, and lack of honest communication. This is absolutely ridiculous, and I find this "everythings dandy!" avoidance of the hard facts extremely offensive. This is not making a good impression of lawyers in my book!

I'm LOOKING at you!

2009-05-17T20:45:00.005-06:00

It's funny how many things we do around here have stemmed directly from dealing with Buddy. They've become so ingrained in our every day life that I don't even think about them any more.

Certain things pop up while we are outside. Buddy plays with neighbor kids while all the moms sit around on the porch steps and gab. Inevitably, one of these sorts of things will come up, and I always end up feeling like I should explain why we do things that way.

"I'm looking at you!" is one of them.

When Buddy first came to us, he couldn't stand for anyone to look him in the eye, and when you did he would cower like he was being injured and scream "Don't look at me!" It was one of our first really perplexing challenges. Not knowing how else to handle it, I turned to humor. When he did that, I would look over the tops of my glasses, squint with one eye and open the other really wide, then grin and say in a singsong voice "I'm LOOKING at you!!" If he was on my lap, I'd put my face right against his so all I could see was one big eyeball! That always made him laugh, though at first it was uncomfortable for him.

He doesn't have the issue with eye contact anymore, but the game endures. Now it's one of our inside jokes that makes us both laugh. Even our little 3 year old neighbor laughed and ran away when I did it to him, too.

I wonder, in years to come, if Buddy will remember how that game that he plays with his Mom came to be.

I hope not.

Big Oops on Mom's Part

2009-05-16T17:55:00.004-06:00

I really dropped the ball the other night - and we've seen the results of it for the last two days.

I had to take some videos back to the movie store, but didn't want to do it till after our show was over. So when it ended, we sent Buddy to bed and, without thinking, I grabbed up the videos and headed out the door. He saw me before the door was shut and started to cry - so of course, I scooped him up, reassured him that I'd be back, and handed him over to Dad.

Bad plan.

Dad let him come in our bedroom and lay on my side of the bed till I got back, which was a grand total of about 10 minutes later. That was okay. When he saw me come back in the house, his little face lit up like a lightbulb - he came and gave me a hug and I tucked him into his own bed.

The next day is when it really hit the fan. Too tired from the day before, he didn't sleep in as long as I thought he would, and had crankiness issues. By lunchtime, he was so tired he cried at everything (Buddy doesn't generally cry unless he's really hurt or scared.) When I told him we needed a nap, he threw a temper fit. Then he laid in bed for two hours, flatly refusing to go to sleep.

Buddy's temper fits are 184% less awful than they used to be - there's no violence or running away, just regular old five year old tantrums. But still, he doesn't have those too often anymore, either.

When it dawned on me what was bothering him, it made me feel sick inside. For just a moment, I forgot. I let my guard down, and Buddy suffered for it. If I'd realized he was probably scared to death that I was going to leave, I would have let him nap on the couch with me.

I hope I haven't caused too much of a step backward, he's come so far. I hate that I didn't 'get it' sooner.

Tired Boy

2009-05-15T07:53:00.002-06:00

Yesterday, Buddy played with two new friends in the morning for an hour, then played with his best friend for a couple of hours in the afternoon. No nap, and he didn't go to bed till almost ten, because it was the season finale of Hell's Kitchen, which has become our "family" show. (He was tickled, because the winner's name is the same as his.)

We're having some issues with him being disobedient - not directly, but just not paying attention to what he knows he should and shouldn't be doing. He's one of those kids that has to learn the hard way, I think.

The other evening, I had just taken a panful of cookies out of the oven and set them on the counter - a little too close to the edge, I admit. Buddy has this habit of sniffing everything - and it drives me crazy. First he sniffs it, then he blows on it. I have no idea where this habit came from, it wasn't from me, and it drives me nuts. I've tried to break the habit, but he will still do it given the chance. So, when I brought out the cookies and didn't keep a close enough eye on him, what does he do? He walks up and sticks his nose up to the pan and sniffs - well, he didn't pay attention to how close he was, and he stuck his bottom lip ON the 350 degree pan. Blistered his poor little lip.

Of course I scooped him up and we put ice on it, with a reminder that he MUST watch where he is putting his body - and that if he'd been obedient, it wouldn't have happened at all.

Five minutes later, he walked past the pan again, and this time ran his head into the corner of the counter and the corner of the pan! Luckily, it wasn't hot by that time, so all he got was a minor goose-egg.

I'm wondering if his lack of memory is just being a 5 year old, or if it is evidence of cognitive delays. Everything we say to him has to be said three times before it registers - more if he's tired or distracted. If I want to talk to him while we're outside, I have to bring him over to me and make him look at my face while I speak, or it's like it goes in one ear and out the other and doesn't catch in between. I know some of that is age appropriate - I just don't know how much.

So anyway, it is now 8:00 am - and he's still sleeping. I'm not waking him up!!

Or maybe I should - and get even for all the mornings he wakes ME up before I'm ready!mwahahahahaha!

Some Days...

2009-05-11T13:21:00.002-06:00

I know EXACTLY how this cat feels!

My First Mothers Day

2009-05-11T11:56:00.004-06:00

FM took me on a hot date Saturday night! A real, live dress-up and heels, just the two of us at a fancy restaurant, "date"! It's the first time in a year we've been out, sans Short Pants. It was lovely.

My niece, Anna, came and babysat for us. Buddy's just crazy about her, and since he was playing outside with a friend when we left, he could not have cared less that we were gone for a couple of hours. That, on it's own, is absolutely fabulous!

We had originally planned to go see a movie, too, but we ended up not. Strange how, even though we miss the freedom we had before he came, our lives revolve around Buddy now. Dinner in a fancy place was nice, with no reminding someone to mind their manners, or clean up a spill or two, but after that it just seemed like there was part of the equation missing.

Have we finally become "parents" do you suppose? *grin!*

Sunday was nice, too - they let me sleep in till time to get ready for church. The primary children sang all the "mother" songs, and the talks were wonderful - about women, not just mothers. Its the first time I've attended church on Mothers Day for ten years, we've avoided that and Father's Day, too.

Strange the changes that one child can make in the life of two adults. Strange, but good!

Nice, Quiet, Calm and Old

2009-05-07T15:19:00.003-06:00

There's nothing, really, to post about this week. Life is good and calm.

Our latest troubles are minor, and age appropriate - and Buddy's are minor, too. Sorry, couldn't resist that - it dawned on me (over and over again lately) that I'm going to turn 40 next month. I can't be 40! It's a good thing I've already gotten my mid-life crisis done and out of the way with that one semester of junior college, or this could be bad.

What is it about age? I don't feel any different than I felt in my 20's. More tired, perhaps, and achy. I'll blame that on living 6,000 feet above sea level. There's a grown man living next door to us, that I would consider my peer - until it dawned on me the other day that I could be his mother.... *wwwaaaaaahhaahhaahhaaaaa!*

Alright, that's quite enough of that.

From now on, when anyone asks my age, I think I'll tell them that "age" is a manmade invention, and I do not subscribe to the fleeting attributes of human understanding - I follow God, and His infinite wisdom - therefore:

I am ageless!