Saturday, we had a blow out at our house. Danny and Dad were wrestling, and Danny lost control. When he wasn't winning, and when Dad was bigger and stronger, and could pin him, Danny got mad and started screaming and crying and throwing all sorts of temper fits. For a little while, he reverted to close to the way he'd acted when he first came to us.
I ended up holding him in place - I was sitting on the edge of the bed, with Danny standing in front of me, facing me. The wrestling match long over, his new reason for the temper fit was that if I smiled at him, he couldn't help smiling back, and he wasn't ready to be done with his fit. So I held the two side belt loops of his jeans so he couldn't turn his back on me and couldn't go away. Oh my word, you'd have thought I was torturing the poor boy if you could have heard him screech.
The entire episode was a battle of wills between him and I. I sent Dad out of the room, because he'd always been at work when I was dealing with this behavior at the first, and though familiar ground to me, it was making him more and more angry. Wisely, he stepped out and let me handle it.
Dan didn't go as violent as he did when he was four, which is a good thing, since he's almost twice as big as he was back then. I doubt that I could have controled him if he'd gotten that out of hand. But he did push at and slap at my hands and arms. So finally, I took hold of his wrists and held his arms down straight at his sides, and still kept my fingers through his belt loops.
It was a real challenge, but I held my temper in check, and spoke to him quietly, explaining several times that this was just temper, he wasn't being hurt, and I was not going to cave in to his temper and demands. He is not the boss, I am the mom, and he doesn't get to tell me what I have to do. I also told him that it was all in his control - all he had to do was drop the temper fit, look me in the eyes and give me a smile and that would end the whole thing. Several times I asked him "Are you ready to be done?" A few times, his only answer was a grunt or grown, then finally a grouchy "no".
So there we sat, for almost an hour, battling it out. He threw himself around a lot - at one point turned completely backward inside his jeans (not comfortable!), another time strewn across my lap, pinning his own arms under his own body. Once he even twisted one arm behind him, so I was holding him like a police officer might apprehend someone - and I hadn't even changed my position. A couple of times, he tried lifting his feet off the ground so I had to hold him up - he only did that till I dropped him onto his knees on the floor - apparently that didn't feel so good so he put his feet back down.
Eventually, he wore himself out - just like when he was four and cried himself out.
"I can think of a lot of things I'd rather be doing," I told him. "Can't you?" He didn't say anything, or move, so I asked, "Are you ready to be done with the temper?"
He thought for a minute, then said quietly, "Yes."
I promptly let go of him, and he turned to me, looked me in my eyes, sort of smiled, and crawled up on my lap for a cuddle. We sat there together for another twenty minutes or so, rocking and talking quietly.
"The world is not a nice place to people who can't control their temper," I said to him. "I want to help you learn while you're still young, because it only gets harder when you grow up."
His entire demeanor had changed the very moment he decided to let go of his temper. His whole little face lightened, his spirit softened. And I was only too willing to accept that from him with no lingering anger or irritation.
Dad came back in, then, and we talked and hugged and let him know we love him always no matter how bad his temper is. It was over and done, and it didn't come back.
In a way, I'm glad it happened. I think it was a learning experience for Danny, and a reminder for me of how far he's come since those feral days four years ago.
The only thing left over is my sore muscles. He's a strong kid! And I want him to be strong, and wise, and noble. I hope Heavenly Father will always help me know how to deal with Danny's challenges in the way that will teach him best. I know without a doubt that He has guided me this far, and He's never let me - or Danny - down yet!
